Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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