hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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