well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
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he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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