I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize