don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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