remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize