Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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