Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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