woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
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I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
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I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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