Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
there is glitter all over my balls
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