no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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