Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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