she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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