Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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