I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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