I can text with my tongue
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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