that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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