Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize