did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize