My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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