he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize