What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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