my phone needs a breathalizer
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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