We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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