Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize