Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
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Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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