Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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