I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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