My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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