i think my tv is drunk
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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