Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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