Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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