You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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