i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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