Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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