It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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