when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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