i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My cat gives me a boner
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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