That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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