I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize