I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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