It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize