1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she peed on how many people?
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All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
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My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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