how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
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nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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