So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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