i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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