my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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