My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think your dad took our porno
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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