my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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