So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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